Touched once more by Trisomy 18

HI y'all. I am writing this post to ask for your prayers. Not for myself but for my cousin and his partner. Its been almost 2 years since God blessed Eric and Freedom with their son Gage, its also been nearly two years since God called Gage home. Gage died from S.I.D.S. They are still grieving his loss. And in the midst of this grief Freedom discovered she was expecting another child, another son. This news took them by surprise and they have been running a gambit of emotions. And just the other day they were given some heart breaking news, Freedoms blood work came back and it appears that their new baby has Trisomy 18. I know you have heard me mention Trisomy 18 before, as I have spoken of Zoe B.

Trisomy 18 occurs at conception, 23 chromosomes from the father and 23 chromosomes from the mother combine to create a baby with a set of 46 chromosomes in each cell. A trisomy occurs when a baby has three #18 chromosomes instead of the normal two. Unlike Down syndrome, which is also caused by a chromosomal defect, the developmental issues caused by Trisomy 18 are associated with medical complications that are more potentially life-threatening in the early months and years of life. 50% of babies who are carried to term will be stillborn, with baby boys having higher stillbirth rate than baby girls. This is a scary thing for Eric and Freedom. They are not prepared for another loss. And if you have followed Zoe's story you know that miracles happen everyday. I believe that prayer changes things, I have seen way to much to believe otherwise. Zoe turned a year old in April. Her mom and dad were told she may not live to be a week old, Zoe has since been proving them wrong. She fights daily and has had struggles along the way but God has blessed her and her family. I hope that God will do the same for Freedom and Eric.

I am pleading for your prayers. They are lost., caught up in a whirlwind and in fear of what is to come. After losing baby Gage they have questioned God and his love and mercies. They feel unworthy of him now. I pray that they can be strong. Freedom goes for another ultra sound in a week, they are needing to see the babys heart chambers and his face, both of which alluded them on the last ultra sound. They say everything thus far is normal, and that when they see his face and heart they will be more prepared to make a confirmed diagnosis. I know God can do anything, we have to have faith and believe. Please help me pray that when they check the baby, that there are no abnormalities, that he is growing and that the test wereoff their mark. Do you too believe in miracles? I do. Lets pray together.

Something to be proud of...

It seems that lately most of the things I write are sad. Maybe its because of my mood, my losses, my hurt. And the hurt seems to define me. I don't know if I am ok with that. I have always been a people person, John informed me just today that I have closed myself off, he is worried. And I got to thinking, what is wrong with me? I have always been the shy backwards type but this has become crazy. So I made a decision not to give up.

John has been beside me, picked me up off the floor when I begged God to just take me too, he has held my hand as I cried myself to sleep, he has listened to my ranting when it made no sense. He is good to me. I am so happy that we have been able to move past our short comings and be stronger than we have ever been. I really don't know why I chose to write this blog, maybe just to say that I am lucky. Through all the grief, I am still lucky, lucky to have love, to have hope, to have him. I hope you are lucky enough to have this same love someday, its nowhere near perfect, but its wonderful.

Behind the door

Five months have passed since I lost my Momma. It happened so suddenly and I just can't seem to move forward past the closed door.

They say there are 5 stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I think I am still in denial. I refuse to go into her room. The door is closed and as long as I leave it closed I can pretend she is in her room sleeping peacefully and there is no need to disturb her. I know this is not the healthy way to deal with losing her, but I don't think that I am ready to be angry, although the first few days I did go through the first three stages over and over but I seem to have gotten stuck back at the first one...denial. Shall I be stuck here forever? I think most certainly not. I know Momma would want me to move forward. I just don't want to let her go. She was my best friend, she was the one I could confide in, the one who loved me no matter how bad I screwed up, the one who always took the most pride in my accomplishments, the one who always knew just what to say, when I was at my lowest point she would help me pick myself back up, she was the best mom. I miss her. Her laughter filled the room, her smile bright as the sun, she had a heart that was as big as the world. I love her so. I miss her so. What can I do? Do I leave the door shut and let her sleep. In my head I know her fight is over, her work on earth is done, she is resting now for the first time. But my heart, my heart it aches for her. It aches for her touch, her laugh, her smile. For now I think I will leave the door shut and let her rest, at least for this night. I am unsure of tomorrow.