Her Love

The other night I sat on my front porch swing with my nieces Brylie, 2 and Kyley, 1. Both were sleepy wanting to sleep but not wanting to. :) I held the youngest close to my chest and Brylie lay next to me with her head resting on my leg. Whiny lil girls. I swung back and forth and I sang to them, "Amazing Grace" and "I'll Fly Away", two of my favorite Hymns from Sunday mornings growing up. Soon the whining had ceased and there was quiet.

It had slowly gotten dark and I hadn't even noticed up until that point. In the quiet as I held these two lil girls in my arms my thoughts turned to my Momma. Mothers Day was close and I had tried not to even think about her not being here to celebrate it with me. But I couldn't escape it. I thought of the day that I became a mother. I had almost lost both my life and the life of my son that day. It was a very hard day for me and Momma held my hand through it all. After 28 hours of labor and a near death experience the doctors decided to take him by Cesarean section. Mom was determined to be at my side. She was. Because of seizures I had been in and out of it that whole day. I remember very little. I do remember that when I opened my eyes my Momma was holding this tiny little blanket that was wrapped tightly around this lil baby boy and she was crying. She looked at me and said "look at our baby, hes our lil angel, hes beautiful. " She was right, he was he had big eyes and hands, and his Nana's smile. He was our angel.

The day that I had became a Mom to that lil angel my Momma was at my side. How could I face Mothers Day without the woman who was responsible for me being who I am; the lady, the sister, the wife & the mom all of which I learned from her? At that moment I began to cry. I just couldn't do it. And it seemed as if I could hear her say, "Sissy,I love you and I am so proud of you." Something I had heard her say several times. She never failed to say she was proud and she loved me. I felt her at that moment. I could feel the love she had shown me while she lived. I could feel her. I knew at that moment she was with me always. Though her life on this earth had ended her love would endure forever. And it would be that love that would help me face each day, even Mothers Day. And thankfully it did. And it helps me as I sat here and write this blog. Her smile is burned into my mind and her love into my heart, forever. I am Blessed to have been her daughter. I miss her. But I know she is forever in my heart and today she is at the feet of Jesus and watching over me and "our baby, our angel".

Blessing in my curse...

Time is moving by so fast. Life happens, we push through or at least we try. Some days are harder then others. "Breathe out and in again, know that life is hard but its worth the breathing..." I sing this to myself almost every day. (RSB, thank you! ) I know its been 2 months since I sat down and actually finished a blog, :), Life. In a blink of an eye everything changes.

March 29 John came by the school to tell me he had been laid off from his job. Life, scary situation. I was told later that week that the full time position I had been promised in January and been waiting on being able to fill would not start until this fall. Life, big disappointment. On my nieces 2nd birthday John was doing some work at home and a staple went through his eye, we spent 5 days in UT hospital 1 emergency surgery and another to correct damage and NO insurance. Life, devastating.

My dear friend Jules told me to look for the "blessing in the curse". Blessing in the curse! Shes crazy right? Where is the Blessing in John losing his job or having a staple go through his eye or my Job being cut because of budgets or whatever? So I thought about it. John being home has allowed he and I to somewhat mend our relationship and he and our son have been able to form a bond that had been broken for a while. Blessing! :) Though the staple pierced Johns cornea, iris, pupil and lens and the damage appeared to have caused him to be blind in his right eye, Dr Harris and the "Eye Team" that was flown in were able to save his eye and restore his vision. BLESSING! :) While John was in the hospital we were able to meet some really great people. Dr Harris was wonderful and even though we have no insurance the hospital has worked with us, helped us get the medicine that John needed and even paid for Cobra so that he would only need to pay a percentage of his stay in the hospital, Blessing! :) So maybe there is a silver lining. Try Jules' advice, find your blessing in your curse or your situation.

I did and I realized I am BLESSED.