Blessing in the storm?

I know that if you know me personally or have read this blog you are aware that daily I fight some pretty convincing demons. Demons that remind me of all that is wrong around me, all that is wrong with me, and all that is wrong with this world. I struggle daily with thoughts of being worthless, as if God himself wouldn't even want my love and devotion. I feel as if I have failed at everything I have tried to accomplish. I fall and try to stand back up once more and I slip and I am right back where I started from. I know there are so many of you out there that have been where I am now, or maybe you are where I am... I am pushing forward slowly and there are days when I see a glimpse of what God sees all around me, I can see some good, some light at the end of this tunnel, I can see grace and hope. But these days for me don't come easy anymore. Lucky for me I have friends that love me, who want to try to lend a hand and lift me up. Today I was reminded that even in my weakness in my turmoil, there is a blessing in the storm.


Do your heart a favor if you are going through any kind of trial, or just do your self a favor and take a listen to this song...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZV9wsRmROA&feature=related

Kirk Franklin
Blessing in the storm

When i cannot feel the sparrow sing
And i cannot feel the melody
There's a secret place
That's full of grace

There's a blessing in the storm
Help me sing it
There's a blessing in the storm

When the sickness wont leave my body
And the pain just wont leave my soul
I get on my knees and say Jesus please

There's a blessing in the storm
Help me sing it
There's a blessing in the storm

When I cannot seem to love again
And the rain drops wanna never end
If you just hold on those clouds will soon be gone

There's a blessing in the storm
Help me sing it
There's a blessing in the Sweet storm

I need to feel your love...

From somewhere deep inside me I hear the echo of a beating, broken heart. I am sad. I feel so alone in this big unforgiving world. I sleep less and less. I cry more and more. I long to feel God once again. I am sick. My seizures drain me. My situation at home though improved is so complicated and stressful. I look for a light at the end of the tunnel and I see none. All I see is hurt and anguish. I fear for my life. Not that anyone may take it from me, I fear for what my life may become. Can I allow myself to live? I pray to my Lord, I pray for forgiveness, I pray for mercy and strength. I pray that he will take these thoughts from me. That he will give me the want to live. I have faith that he hears my prayers, I just wonder why I can't feel his presence. I know he is here. I know he promised he would never leave nor forsake me. So why can't I feel him? Am I spiritually dead? Have I lost my connection to God? Can that happen? It seems every door I try to open slams shut and the windows have been nailed down. There is no escape. There is no air to breathe, I am suffocating. Yet I pick up and move in mere inches through the darkness in search of the light. I will not give up until I feel him, until I feel his love once more.

a heavy heart

Meet my baby brother. Joshua.

I mentioned my little brother in my profile. I say little, though he is a huge 6'5" tall teddy bear. He is my younger brother, my only sibling. I miss him. Right now he sits in jail, most likely having withdraws. I worry. I love him so very much.

Sadly he is an drug addict. When he is not using there is no one on the earth that is more loving and kind. But the drugs have turned him into a total different person. He has lost everything. He has a 6 year old lil boy who has no idea who his dad is. He has missed out on his life because he is driven by only one thing, getting high. He would never hurt anyone, never steal, never disrespect his parents, never let his son not know his father. But addiction will and addiction has. Its a very scary thing for all of us that love him. He is sick. He is ashamed of his situation, of his addiction. But he isn't willing to stop. I pray that God take his addiction, but until my lil brother is willing to give it to him, he just won't take it.

Please pray that God will watch over my lil brother as he lays in jail having withdraws. Pray that when he returns to freedom clean and sober that he stays clean and sober. Pray that God give him the will to give up the drugs. I know that if Josh chooses a sober life it will be a hard road for him, but I know my brother and I know God, and knowing that Josh can do anything he puts his heart into and knowing that God will be there all the way, I know with all my heart the addiction will be defeated. So please help me pray for all the sisters, mothers, fathers, brothers, family and friends of addicts, for the addicts themselves, those whose life is no longer their own. Pray for our broken world.

I know I don't ask for much ;oP, but I believe that God answers prayers, so please help me the sister of one of Gods lost sheep.

Robbie Seay Band Sings for Zoe

I really wanted to attend this event, regretfully I couldn't make it. But tonight at 8:00pm ( our time) Josh Pope opens for Robbie Seay in Brookfield , Wisconsin with hopes to raise money to help with medical bills and expenses that the Batiansila family will face. I don't know any of the Batiansila's personally, but through their blog, ( http://www.batiansila.blogspot.com/ ) I learned of their faith as children of God so in a way they are a part of our family, the family of God. So please say a prayer for them tonight as they all gather together to celebrate and give thanks for the precious gift God gave them, a lil girl named Zoe.

Yipee

Lets remember our soldiers today as we pray.

Its nice to live in a world where we are free to choose how to spend our day. I chose to spend my day with my family. My wonderful son, my husband and my parents. We had a BBQ and went to see the fireworks. It was nice to have a laid back afternoon. I really enjoyed the time with the ones I love.

Austin looked at me in the mist of the smoke, and said, "ah the wonderful smell of the fourth of July. " he takes a breath and starts to cough, " excuse me mom the smoke got me choked up for a moment". Its these moments when I remember why I am here on this earth. I am so lucky to be his mom.

Hope you enjoyed your 4th.

Are you out there? Hello?

...I wonder.

My day has been so crazy. I feel so alone. I think of all that is going on around me, and as if in a scene of some movie I can see everything pass in a blur, I hear voices but can't make out what is being said. I pray and my prayer echoes in my head as if I alone can hear it. God help me, let me hear your voice, let me feel your presence, let me know I am not alone. *echo*. And nothing. I know he is out there, I have felt him before, and my mere existence is proof of him being "out there", somewhere. I would have left this broken world long ago had it not been for his love and willingness to allow me a second chance. I need to feel his arms around me, I need his comfort.

"Word Of God Speak"

Mercy Me

I'm finding myself at a loss for words

And the funny thing is it's okay

The last thing I need is to be heard

But to hear what You would say

[CHORUS]

Word of God speak

Would You pour down like rain

Washing my eyes to see

Your majesty

To be still and know

That You're in this place

Please let me stay and rest

In Your holiness

Word of God speak

I'm finding myself in the midst of You

Beyond the music, beyond the noise

All that I need is to be with You

And in the quiet hear Your voice

[REPEAT CHORUS 2x]

I'm finding myself at a loss for words

And the funny thing is it's okay