I need to feel your love...

From somewhere deep inside me I hear the echo of a beating, broken heart. I am sad. I feel so alone in this big unforgiving world. I sleep less and less. I cry more and more. I long to feel God once again. I am sick. My seizures drain me. My situation at home though improved is so complicated and stressful. I look for a light at the end of the tunnel and I see none. All I see is hurt and anguish. I fear for my life. Not that anyone may take it from me, I fear for what my life may become. Can I allow myself to live? I pray to my Lord, I pray for forgiveness, I pray for mercy and strength. I pray that he will take these thoughts from me. That he will give me the want to live. I have faith that he hears my prayers, I just wonder why I can't feel his presence. I know he is here. I know he promised he would never leave nor forsake me. So why can't I feel him? Am I spiritually dead? Have I lost my connection to God? Can that happen? It seems every door I try to open slams shut and the windows have been nailed down. There is no escape. There is no air to breathe, I am suffocating. Yet I pick up and move in mere inches through the darkness in search of the light. I will not give up until I feel him, until I feel his love once more.